today many have facebook and twitter, instagram and pinterest, kik and about 200 more social media apps… To list them all would be worse than the genealogies found in Genesis, Matthew or Luke. The point here is – there’s a bunch…
So, how does that relate to abuse you ask? Great question!
Do you live your life on social media? Many people do and that’s okay if that’s where you chose to spend your time. There is a great deal of entertainment value in those mediums, but isn’t that all it is? Entertainment?
How many people live their real lives in social media? I don’t have an answer to that, but it seems to me more people than not live the life they want everyone to think they lead on social media. Once in awhile an element of truth will reveal itself but that’s more the exception than the rule isn’t it?
I just finished the book – Not My Father’s Son: A Memoir by Alan Cumming.
WOW! What a story… For a successful actor like Alan to reveal so much of himself and his family history in a book like that is nothing short of amazing. You see, Alan was a victim of abuse from an early age. As a matter of fact, the story he tells is a bit depressing. I won’t go not any detail – you should read the book – but the abuse he suffered at home at the hand of his father is sad.
He overcame that abuse but it certainly influenced the man Alan grew to be and that’s the point. I have some dark things in my past while growing up in a dysfunctional family too. I don’t know if I’m brave enough to write a book about it but honestly, don’t we all have skeletons in our closets? Don’t all our experiences contribute to who we are today? Yeah – they do.
Abuse comes in many forms doesn’t it? Verbal, physical, sexual, psychological…
That’s what #metoo is all about isn’t it? Not only coming to grips with how women have been taken advantage of but also understanding how it changes us all.
What I appreciated about Alan’s story is he sought help and found someone who walked with him through that pain… and ultimately he forgave his father for the abuse that was poured out on him. That must have been incredibly difficult. I struggle with that. It’s one thing to say I forgive someone but quiet another to really let ago on an emotional level.
It wasn’t until my transition that I realized some of my experiences were abuse. Instead of blaming myself I began to understand that I was being used and taken advantage of. Reading “Not My Father’s Son” gave me pause because it made we wonder how many more of us have been subjected to abuse, and didn’t realize it at the time. I certainly didn’t. Alan didn’t. It was just the way things were and too many times it felt like I couldn’t measure up. I could never be good enough. It did for me at least. Confidence was never high on my list of traits. Acting out sure was though. Appearing to be a rebel when in reality I was very accommodating, was the game I played.
What was most appalling was wondering if my children felt that way too. They are both amazing young women today, with awesome families of their own, but I wonder if there is more I could have done to prepare them for life. How could I have been a better parent? More compassionate and understanding..
And here I always thought having a strong work ethic was a good trait until I came to realize, for me at least, it was smoke screen to cover up my own insecurity. As long I performed well I would receive praise from my bosses and those around me. It was almost like a crack addiction, or so I’m told…
Did I subject my girls to the same?
Someone told me a bout a book called The Four Tendencies recently. I did a brief quiz online and it said I’m an Obliger. Meets outer expectations. Resists inner expectations. “You can count on me, and I’m counting on you to count on me.”
That nailed it. What gave me pause was something called Obliger-Rebellion..
I haven’t starting reading the book yet but it’s next on my list.
Until next time…