another day in paradise…

I am grateful today for my wife, my children, grandchildren and friends.   The past few days I’ve connected with a couple people who seem to be struggling.  I want to fix it for them but alas, I cannot. I can listen and empathize and hope that gets them through their struggles.

I’ve been listening to the Bible in the morning when I walk the dogs.  45 minutes in the Word every morning keeps me mindful of our creator and the people around me. I started at the beginning and am almost to the end if Psalms.

I miss not having a Church home.  The relationships and community are, for me, a vital part of my Christian experience.  Being transgender in Middle Tennessee closes many doors.  It’s sad really.  Sad that the Christian community at large is so exclusive.  Patty is offended by the condemnation and that keeps her at home.  I’m wrestling with how we both stay connected spiritually.  Thinking about Chip Ingram small group study.

Work keeps me busy and weekends end up being packed with chores around the house, shopping and the like.  Doesn’t leave much space but certainly needs to be a priority for the two of us together.

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What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done; there is nothing new under the sun.

There are times where I feel like I am living in the movie ground hog day.

One day is no different than the last.

Routine can be good if the routine is moving me in the direction I want to go, along with the regular confirmation I’m making progress.

We hired a contractor to remodel a bathroom.  Of the three we spoke to, we chose the one that seemed the most knowledgeable and experienced.  Too bad the people they used weren’t as well versed.

A four to five day project has taken 4 weeks.  Poor communication and shoddy workmanship has been a constant.

It’s almost done. Very close.

Monday morning…

it was an amazing weekend till…  I arrive at home and discover again I’m not enough…

never enough

ever

I am enough. I’m not responsible for your joy, you are.

I am tired.  Tired of dealing with the same old insecurities.  Tired of dealing with the same old disappointments.  Tired of being tired.

 

WOW… What a day!

Flew to Cleveland to spend the weekend with my girls and grandchildren.  What an amazing time!  I’m feeling mighty blessed right now.

The day is winding down.  Gathering. My thoughts about the moments and memories…  Too many to comment about here right now.  It has been a fabulous day.

Tomorrow, after breakfast, I fly back to Nashville – back to the life Patty and I share.  I’m feeling incredibly blessed.  Blessed to have a daughter and son in law that are great parents- doing better than I could ever have dreamed.  And my youngest daughter and her significant other, absolutely rockin’ it with 5 kids.

It warms my heart to watch them interact and share these special times.

Jess and I talked about having a trans parent and I thanked her for being so accepting of my transition.   She said there had been a lot in the media about the LGBT community and she had made up her mind about that issue so when we talked about my circumstances she said she could hardly change her position, especially since it was now so close to home.

Charlie, told me I looked pretty this morning   It was the first thing she said to me .  I asked Jess if she was coached?  She said no, that’s the way Charlie is. Jess and Marc are very good at instilling principles for life and Charlie learns those lessons well   At 4 years old she gets it

Heather’s children have lived very different circumstances   They have learned to work through struggles and circumstances that haven’t always been ideal.   As part of a blended family, the experience of her children is very different and the life lessons are different but their family dynamic is one of love and allowing space for each child to find their way.  Heather listens and encourages each child to be themselves.  The boundaries she sets are real and serves the  family well.

I’ll be home soon, happy to have had this day.  We took a lot of pictures, memories to hold close to my heart…

 

 

 

 

23rd Psalm

A psalm of David.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
    he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.

Scripture for our service tonight.

How much of this requires me to quiet my heart before God?  If I’m gong a hundred miles an hour and never disconnect how can I possibly take advantage of God’s grace and provision?

I can profess my love for Jesus but how does that work if I never take time for Him?

I can say the Lord is my shepherd but if I don’t listen and continually go my own way, how is that borne out in my life?

So much of what we experience is because of lack of relationship.

So much of what we experience is because we don’t take time to listen. I don’t take time to listen…

There it is… Time. We all have 24 hours in a day. Some accomplish so much. Some live rich, full lives while others are filled with anger, disappointment, hate and remorse.

The Lord is my shepherd…

 

Kelly

under construction

anyone travel lately?  Seems wherever we go there is road construction causing delays and inconvenience in pursuit of a better future…  Life moves so quickly though, our plans for better roads are obsolete before the project is even completed… so we start again. Perpetual construction.

life seems to be a lot like that, at least for me…  Once I have a sense of direction and begin the inconvenient process of constructing change, with the hope of a better future, it seems its not enough.  How many times can I start again?

I’m struggling with a moral dilemma.

What do I really believe and why?

What am I willing to settle for in light of my convictions?

I believe God sits on His throne and loves me right where I am.  No question there for me.

I believe Jesus is the Son of God who came to earth as a man to save the world from sin by giving himself in our place as payment for our sin.

I believe in the Holy Spirit and that He was sent to be our comforter.

Lately I have been exposed to a lot of very progressive teaching and I find myself questioning so much of it I’m not sure I can continue to be a part of that conversation or that story.  I’m okay with people thinking and believing differently but I’m not a masochist.  I don’t have to be tortured by the rhetoric that I don’t believe. At first I thought I needed to learn more but now I feel like it isn’t worth the effort.  Standing for everything feels like standing for nothing at all.

Kelly

 

 

come to the table…

It was nearly 5 years ago when Patty and I moved to middle Tennessee because of my job at Nissan.  I had been hired as a project manager – no degree – no solid project management experience and no idea where it would it lead.

Having worked with Nissan on the launch of the Nissan LEAF, and then vehicle connected services (VCS), piloting Nissan’s Social Media engagement and a host of other projects.

Within weeks of arriving I found myself responsible for the presentation and planning of a monthly Customer Experience steering committee meeting hosted by the Chairman of Nissan North America.   I remember sitting at a table in a conference room on the 10th floor at Headquarters in wonderment, asking  why me?  How did I end up here?  How did I end up sitting next to the Chairman, surrounded by Vice Presidents, Directors and Senior Managers?

I was a nobody.  These people were the decision makers for one the premier auto manufactures in the world.  I still wonder  how… and why?

You know what amazes me more?  Being invited to this table. The Communion Table.

Jesus’ invitation is open to everyone.

You don’t need a degree.

You don’t need to have money, or power, or fame.

Your life can be buttoned up or in a total shambles.

YOU are invited.

You don’t have to bring a gift.

You don’t need a pedigree.

It doesn’t matter what color you are.

It doesn’t matter where you were born.

It doesn’t matter if you are gay or straight.

It doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman.

Jesus’ invitation is open to you, right where you are.

Come…