why me Lord…

Why me Lord?

How is it life can be so different for people facing difficult circumstances?

Sure, I’m sometimes frustrated with the process but overall I’ve got nothing to complain about. Lord, You’ve been with me every step of the way.

You know what I need and have provided every step of the way, even when I couldn’t see.

My schemes and ideas have not always worked out and still You are here.

You said You would never leave me and through it all You’ve been true to Your word.

6 So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” (‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭31‬:‭6‬ NLT)

5 Don’t love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” (‭Hebrews‬ ‭13‬:‭5‬ NLT)

Time and again you’ve worked it out.

Why me Lord?

It can’t be my education… I wasn’t a great student and formal education was difficult for me to endure.

It’s not wealth because earthly treasure means little to me. I don’t have wealth, although I do have more than enough.

It’s not health… I’ve had a fair number of health issues over the years. This most recent surgery is a good example. While the process of recovery can be frustrating, good things can and are coming of it, mainly through the people I’ve met and the relationships that will last a lifetime.

Lord, how can I share my story with others who are more challenged by their circumstances? Who have given up or grown so cynical their perspective is clouded and dark?

How can I share You with them?

…doing the best we can

My friend Kristen is going through health challenges…

My friend Diane lost her Dad and last remaining close family member recently…

My friend Kendra is still trying to sell her home in Chicago after recently moving back to Tennessee…

My friend Kristela is in flight school, learning to flying for the Air Force and dealing with family issues…

My friend Mary is moving… again… and dealing with being uprooted to a new state…

My friend Erika is struggling to find a home church that better suits where she and her husband can serve…

My friend Enola is struggling with toxic coworkers in the workplace as she embraces her faith…

My friend Cindy is struggling with broken relationship with her son….and leading a new church ministering to the LGBTQ community…

My friend MaryBeth is struggling with attitudes of the leadership in her church with the LGBTQ community and how to serve marginalized population groups…

My friend Robin is dealing with anxiety that is causing her great stress and to miss work…

My friend Gaby is struggling with paralyzing fear that keeps her close to home…

My friend William is struggling with his Mom’s brain tumor and care after surgery…

I struggle with keeping up with work and relationships and managing health changes…

I could go on….  We all seem to have struggles and challenges.  Its part of life…  A humorist might say none of us will get out alive…  I would never say that… <smile>

I was thinking about and praying for my friends and family this morning.  I read in Mark 1 about Jesus being busy about teaching, preaching and healing.  He was dealing with so many of the struggles people brought to him and the next morning he rose early and went out to an isolated place to pray.

I believe Jesus reconnected with the Father as a way to refresh and begin a new day.

New focus.

New perspective.

New direction.

I am so thankful this morning for new focus.

I am thankful for new perspective.

I am thankful for new direction.

I am thankful for you!  Yes, you who are reading this post… at this very moment!

You who are doing the best you can right now.

You, who may feel like it’s too hard to keep going today. Or the challenges and obstacles of life are insurmountable…

If you don’t believe in God  – that’s okay – He believes in you…and so do I.

I’m not going to tell you it gets easier.  It may not.

I’m not going to tell you fame and fortune and popularity will come your way.  It probably wont.

I’m not going to tell you any of that.

What I will tell you is that you are loved and you matter – probably more than you can ever dream or imagine…

We are all doing the best we can….

Give yourself some grace.

Cut yourself some slack.

till we met again…

with all my Love,

Kelly

 

 

a trip to Cleveland

Tomorrow evening I’m off to Cleveland.  I get to spend time with my children and grandchildren… only a couple days but never the less, time with them is always a blessing!

Also visiting Cleveland Clinic for another surgical consult.  Should be the last trip before surgery in October. Completion is in sight.  It has been years in the making.  I have peace in the process and the end result.  Some have struggled and I’m sure that as I recover there will be times when I question the sanity of this course.

It is well with my soul…

 

 

 

what are some of the “what if’s” that fuel your fears?

I have run and managed a variety of businesses over my career.  My current role has its moments and yet, its one of the best roles I’ve held.  I suspect it has a lot to do with my experience and knowledge, gained over many years of trying to serve people well.

Fear is real and even though I have years of experience, I can be paralyzed by fear even today, so I am still learning  and evolving and learning from the most remarkable sources… my children…

My oldest daughter is teaching me how to honor your spouse, live with integrity and build relational communication skills.  My youngest daughter is teaching me that I can’t control everything and need to let some things go in favor of building and maintaining relationship with those who mean the most to me.

We had a visit from one our vendors yesterday.  Both of the representatives from this company spoke very highly of the company CEO.  It was genuine and heartfelt. Interestingly enough, I share their appreciation and it is as genuine and heartfelt.

I am so encouraged!  These youngsters are our future.  Yes, I said youngsters.. They are all half my age and are changing our world!  When it comes to fear, I can’t let it stop me or keep me from getting better and moving forward.  I want to encourage them and help them keep moving forward, not be an obstacle to the possibilities the future holds for us all because of them.

Encourage someone today and see what a difference it will make!

Kelly

 

“context is so important…”

I went to the 7:00 at the Experience last night.  Corey wasn’t preaching – another Pastor named Greg did.   I hadn’t met Greg yet but he did a great job in the continuation of teaching 1 John.

Greg made a lot of good points about our journey as Christians.  One thing he said resonated on many levels for me.  “context is so important”

He was referring to the portion of scripture in 1 John that tells us not to love the world…

1 John 2:15-17 New International Version (NIV)

On Not Loving the World

15 Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father[a] is not in them. 16 For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. 17 The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.

This can cause conflict because in other places we are told to love the world.  This is where context comes in and Greg’s observation is common in the church.

This part of scripture is tough.  John, similarly to James, the brother of Jesus, is a strong man and speaking what some consider harsh truth.  It is harsh and doesn’t fit our Instagram view of Christian faith where everything is rosy.

I don’t want to hijack the validity of Greg’s message because I agree.  Its not uncommon  for us to take things out of context.  The media does it.  Politicians do it.  I’ve been guilty of it.

My take away is directed to the Christian church at large as they attack and malign and dehumanize those of us who are part of the LGBTQ community.  Y’all know you understand the principle of taking things in context.  Please don’t take scripture out of context to validate your position.   We may never agree on everything and that’s okay, but lets not use hate and disrespect someone because they don’t agree with you.  We are part of one body – the body of Christ and as the church, the bride of Christ, we have a responsibility to love our neighbors.

 

no secrets

I had the privilege to spend time with my daughter and son in law this past week.  With a five year old and a new born I was impressed at how well they worked together to get it all done.  Granted, they have a non traditional situation but the communication between them is most appealing.  They talk about everything.  They plan well and make adjustments as needed.  I wonder if they shouldn’t be teaching a marriage class somewhere.

I’m sure they have their share of issues and let’s face it, life can get the best of us on any given day.  I see this in other relationships too.  Tessie and Dell, Janice and Mike, Keith and Beth, Deb and Dan, Barbara and Warren, Cindy  and Karla, Marybeth and Malcolm, Terri and Rich – there are elements of these relationships that show genuine love, admiration and appreciation for each other.

Patty and I have been together over 30 years – married for almost 29.  We have our moments but overall, our relationship is pretty solid.  Driving back from Ohio Thursday was a pretty frustrating trip.  The traffic and weather were not cooperating and what should have been a 9 to 10 hour trip took 12.

I’d like to think we don’t have secrets but that’s not real.  There have always thoughts and attitudes and fears we don’t readily share with each other.

I wonder if others face that?

I wonder if there are ways to do it better…

 

 

 

home sweet home

Vacation means different things to different people

This vacation was a combination of connecting with family and friends, meeting my new grandson for the first time, getting away from the hustle and bustle and exploring what the future holds for me personally.

the drive…

It’s painful.  I do not like to drive long distances nearly as much as I did in days gone by, although the trip was good on the way.

Patty and I both were taken in by Sarah McBride’s Audible book

Tomorrow Will Be Different

LOVE, LOSS, AND THE FIGHT FOR TRANS EQUALITY

Sarah’s memoir is pretty incredible and educational on issues related to the LGBTQ struggle for equality.  What made it more endearing was her personal story.  She is an amazing young woman.

Following the battles in the Tennessee legislature during the trip coincided with the battles Sarah waged in Maryland and nationally, although our struggle in Tennessee has more defensive… this time…  Tomorrow Will Be Different

Meeting my new grandson was, without a doubt, the highlight of the trip.  Didn’t get to spend as much time as I would have liked, schedules and circumstances being what they were, however I am grateful for the time I had with Lincoln, Jess and Marc.

Had a great time with Heather’s kids at the hotel pool although I was nervous about the noise.  Kids will be kids.  I’m sure some of the guests were glad to see it end…  Me, not so much…

Its interesting how different my children are.  Personalities, parenting style, just about every thing about them and their partners is polar opposite, save one, they are the loves of my life.

Meeting Dr. Cecile Ferrando at Cleveland Clinic, to discuss surgical options was time well spent.  Patty liked her, which is very good. One thing Dr. Ferrando, did that really impressed me, was her recognition of the excitement this time brings for me and yet for Patty, the struggle it represents.  Patty appreciated it too.  I could tell.

The first time I ever had surgery it was at the Cleveland Clinic. I recalled for Dr. Ferrando, how impressed I was with Dr. Wright, because he took the time to talk with me and walk me through the options I had and what would happen.  I was perfectly at ease with his recommendation and the consequent surgery was a success.  I felt even more at ease with Dr. Ferrando.

Dr. Ferrando also said she would be fine doing both surgeries at the same time as she is not the one that does breast augmentation. Another plastic surgeon does that but she said they could schedule surgeries together.  Will have to make another trip to Cleveland for that consult but as Dr. Ferrando said,  there is no rush and she isn’t going anywhere.

I’m already beginning to formulate what the week of October 7th or November 4th might look like. 6 to 8 weeks of recovery, my anniversary and the holidays are factors to consider.

We talked about the particulars, aftercare, follow up and the like.  Having friends and family close by makes it easier.

We also talked, in addition to surgical goals, relationship goals.  We didn’t get into a lot of detail but the fact the questions were raised impressed me even more.  What will our relationship look like going forward?  What are our individual and relationship expectations?  As much as tunnel vision and self interest might keep me from dwelling on this question, it is imperative to offer more than cursory consideration.

How to begin that dialogue…

now the real work begins…

 

 

Lord, remember me…

It’s been a weekend…  Thursday I drove to Indianapolis to meet with a Gender Affirmation surgeon named Dr. Sidhbh Gallagher.  She’s originally from Ireland but has made here home in Indy, focusing her practice on the trans community.  What a delight!  She was thoughtful and smart, warm and honest and level set my expectations for what might lie ahead.

I could easily see myself having surgery her.

Although we only spent a short time together (about 45 minutes), we were mainly focused on the business of the surgery, insurance benefits and the like; there were no surprises.  A few days in the hospital, a few days close by in case of complications and then 6 to 8 weeks of recovery.  My original expectation was that more could be accomplished in one trip but I have a much better grasp of what is reasonable now.

Surgical schedules will play a big part in all of this but we won’t know anything for at least a month.  Dr. Gallagher can only admit 3 patients a month to the hospital there so she needs to be sure, once scheduled, the surgery will happen. The business of surgery is a factor.  That tells me she is doing about 36 surgeries a year.  Some do many more so I’m comfortable with the extra attention.  It means I wouldn’t be another number on an assembly line like some have a reputation for.

After my time with Dr. Gallagher I had lunch with the folks from Lessonly.   Lessonly is a learning management system provider, based in Indy, we recently signed a contract with.  They have an amazing, caring and fun crew that is more a partner than a vendor. While there I got see Max – the founder and CEO and he gave me an autographed copy of his book “Do Better Work”.  I told Max, via tweet yesterday, that he and his people have been incredibly supportive of me personally and and I so appreciate them!

All in all it was a good trip but as usual, its great to be home.

No matter where I go I meet wonderful people.  I am so blessed.  In spite of challenges and struggles I have a very good life with loving and caring people all around me.  In a world filled with vitriol and hate, love wins every time.  I may not see the future as clearly as I would like but its okay because I know whose I am.  Today, Easter, is a celebration of that hope and promise for the future.

To all my friends and family – I love you deeply and thank you for pouring into my life… for accepting me in the good times and bad and for loving me, not for who I am, but in spite of it.

Be blessed,

Kelly