Kelly ...another day in the life

voting is a right and a duty…

Hope everyone is settling into the new year…

I have a conversation with my friend Will once a week and we talk about stuff that’s going on in our lives. Last week when we spoke I told him I was going to post another video before we spoke again…

As the days have slipped by, Monday was the only day I thought about a topic and now it’s Thursday, so I guess I better get busy…. If you watch the video please like and subscribe. It really helps.

It’s been a bit since I posted my last video…

Ohio Gov. Mike DeWine signed HB 458 into law recently, requiring photo IDs to vote in person – either early or on Election Day. As long as you were registered it used to be you could use an alternate ID like a current utility bill, bank statement or paycheck as long as it had your name and current address.

The new law also includes a requirement for the BMV to issue free State ID cards to those who request them.

I don’t have an issue with requiring a photo ID when I vote in person, and it feels like a commonsense step what with all the allegations of voter fraud. That we changed this law makes me wonder how many people used alternate ID’s in the last election…

I also wonder how many people don’t have a current, valid ID in Ohio. Renewing a driver’s license has been made easier and ID’s are valid for longer periods of time so unless you move a lot or changed your name it seems a pretty simple thing to stay on top of.

I’m sure there are some who will disagree for many reasons yet, it is the law so let’s focus on solutions and find ways to help people without the proper ID to get it done.

Lots of us have a hard time adapting to change, especially when that change requires us to do something different. Much of the criticism centers around making it more difficult for people to vote.

Changing the ID requirement is the least of those concerns in my mind. Reducing the days for ballots by mail, collection sites and reducing early voting time creates a much greater barrier as it impacts many more people. These added restrictions are also part of the new law.

There are some who may have the capacity to challenge the new law in court and I’m not one of them.

I’m a solutions girl so let’s talk about how we proceed and not leave people out of the process.

I suggest it would be wise to ramp up efforts now, to ensure people who have the right to vote have the required ID and are reminded to vote early when possible to avoid congestion at the polls on election days.

This is work that can begin now. It’s the law so let’s figure out how to make it work for everyone.

Getting a photo ID in Ohio is a fairly easy process. There are a few pieces of information you are required to provide like Birth Certificate, Social Security card and address confirmation.

All the details are available at www.bmv.ohio.gov

For most people it’s a straightforward process. It gets a little more complicated if you are new to the state, and/or you’ve had a name change due to marriage or divorce. Not impossible but you will need additional info.

When I volunteered with a nonprofit that supported the unhomed, one of the common challenges we saw was tracking down birth certificates and getting replacement Social Security cards and state ID’s. Not insurmountable by any means however it does take a little time.

Beginning this process now will make the voting experience much smoother later. Waiting until the last minute is a recipe for disappointment and frustration.

For those in the LGBTQ+ Community, it can be a little stickier, especially where name and gender changes are involved. Last I heard Tennessee is the only state in the country that still doesn’t have a path for gender marker changes on birth certificates. Of course, with all the anti-trans legislation being submitted these days, that could change, even in states where a path now exists.

In Ohio, it is possible today, as of this video so taking those steps now will make getting ID’s easier if that’s important to you.

For me, my experience began with a legal name change in Tennessee. It wasn’t complicated but then again, I hired a local attorney who accompanied me to a hearing in court. A friend of mine did her paperwork herself in another county and accomplished the same thing for less money and no court appearance required as I recall. Note: The rules about this can change based on the county you reside in.

Once my name was changed I began the process of updating Birth Certificate, Social Security card, Driver’s License, conceal carry permit, bank accounts, loan and mortgage accounts, employer records, passport, education records and DD214 from my Naval military service.

I went so far as updating relevant (most recent) previous employer records, high school and college transcripts and health accounts. Not all of these are required for voting purposes, yet I wanted to make sure my records matched my identity. These are more relevant for other things we run into like applying for employment, credit, etc.

As many of you know, transition is a process and takes a lot of effort beyond the emotional and mental effort. Aligning our identities with our selves is a process and each of us has to enter it at our own pace and on our own terms.

When we struggle with identity, who we tell and how we reveal ourselves to the rest of the world is a very personal matter. Once we decide to come out to the world is when most of these legal changes take place.

Since legally changing your name is a public matter it’s difficult to conceive you could be stealthy about the process. If you’re not ready then voting with your birth name and gender may be the only option should you chose to exercise your right to vote.

That’s a choice only you can make.

The last thing I want to talk about with regard to the voting process today is the importance of planning ahead. This is important for all of use, regardless of identity issues. Early voting, mail in ballots and election days are all well publicized. Planning ahead and being prepared makes a big difference.

As voting options are changed and in many cases removed or further restricted, it is even more important to plan ahead so we don’t get left out of the process.

As we went through this past election cycle I tried to stay on top of the issues and candidates that appealed to me and those who shared my values. I knew going in who I favored and why. I’m not comfortable with being ill prepared for such an important duty – and yes, I do consider it a duty as citizen of this county, state, and country.

It’s a small price to pay for such an awesome responsibility.

Thinking about y’all today…

You are valued…

You are loved…

You are ohh so precious…

And remember –

Life’s too short | Be kind | Do good

Talk soon…

#lifecoach #pride2022 #blm #blacklivesmatter #community #faithfullylgbt #diversity #inclusion #lgbtqlifecoach #translifecoach #lgbtqsupporter #selfcare #findthepositive #mindset #LoveisLove #LifesTooShort #BeKind #DoGood #RadicalSelfacceptance #OneOfThem #SeeUs #transvisibility #ResponsibilityBreedsEmpowerment #PrideintheCLE #queerownedsmallbusiness #lgbtqbusiness #lgbtqiapride #lgbtquotes #servantleader

#queerownedandoperated #BeBlatant

Let’s Figure Out how to deal with challenges of hate and discrimination as we go into the Holidays

Today is December 1^st. The Christmas season is in full swing. Black Friday has come and gone… Now it’s a full sprint to Christmas and the end of the 2022.

What feelings and emotions course through your body this time of year?

Good or bad, what experiences or circumstances cause you to feel this way?

The Christmas Holidays have always been a time of Hope and Celebration for me. A new beginning of sorts as we come to the end of one year and prepare for the new.

The holiday season can be a beautiful time of familiarity, heartwarming traditions, and making memories with the ones you love.

On the flip side, if you’ve lost someone close, undergone a traumatic event, or are in the midst of a major life transition, the holidays can be a very difficult time.

If that’s you I created a free resource for you called Flourishing Through the Holidays.

This workbook is composed of 5 simple steps designed to help you navigate the emotional rollercoaster of this time of year and come out on top.

You’ll find no judgment, just empathy and journaling prompts that will help you uncover how you can take care of yourself and make the most of this season.

So let’s get started, shall we?

I’ll put a link in the show notes for those who are interested. It’also in the FREEBIES section on my web site at Kellyreneelifecoach.com

Speaking of trauma and challenging times…

I have been thinking a lot about the shooting at Club Q in Colorado Springs… Hard to believe it’s been almost 2 weeks…

While I’m appalled at the violence directed toward our LGBTQ community, we’ve seen plenty of evidence that the evil being perpetrated on innocent people isn’t contained to one community or at one group of people.

From Club Q in Colorado Springs to the University of Virginia to the Walmart in Chesapeake, Virginia and so many others too numerous to list here – – far too many people are losing their lives to hate and gun violence.

We are seeing the sobering reminders of hate and despair – anger and violence being poured out with little regard to race, age, gender, sexual preference, or religion.

And it’s happening across the country… and as a friend in Englad pointed out to me yesterday – the world

For us to survive as a society – as a culture – as a nation – as a global human family – we need solutions more than criticism. Changes in the law can be beneficial however until we individually own our attitudes and actions – little will change.

Civil conversation and education will get us much further than arguing red or blue semantics. Employing critical thinking skills and having civil conversations can win the day.

One thing I know in my heart is – we can’t keep going the way we are. If we haven’t reached it yet the tipping point is around the corner.

And I don’t know what that will look like…

I pray reasonable people with cool heads prevail.

I’ve heard it said time and again – we can’t legislate righteousness.

While it’s good to pass laws like the Equality Act that pronounce equality for marginalized people groups – that doesn’t solve the underlying issues related to ignorance nor hate.

Those things take time, education, passion, and unrelenting commitment to justice. It also requires personal responsibility.

People from all sectors of the conversation would do well to look inward and think about their own contribution to the solutions and the problems. That takes humility, courage, and acceptance of our part in the process.

No one person can change the world by themselves and I wonder what would happen if more of us worked together?

Suggestions for moving forward…

Be aware of the issues and stay engaged.

While politics isn’t the only part of the solution it is important to be aware of the tactics being used to promote hate and disunity. Call out these disparities – not only to the convinced…. Calling out the BS to the perpetrators in a kind and reasonable fashion is just as important.

Complaining on FB, IG or TikTok probably aren’t gonna sway many people. What if you wrote a letter or called your elected officials and let them know what they are doing aligns or doesn’t align with your values and the reasons why.

Baby steps….

Meet people not like us…

As we expand our networks and live our lives, people around us will see we aren’t much different than them.

It probably feels easier to remain silent than rock the boat. It’s the price we all pay for peace sometimes, especially if we don’t feel safe in certain environments.

The thing is, if you’re spending your time in places where you aren’t valued and appreciated for who you are and what you believe – maybe it’s time to change things up a little.

Last – and certainly not least…

Don’t give up!

Change is hard for a reason.

I’m not sure what that reason is and it’s still hard…. Hahahaha

Time and again we’ve seen the frustration and felt the pain of slow progress and – and this is really important – we’ve seen the change we wanted to come to life over time.

It’s the baby steps along the way that make the difference. Each step closer – we’re making progress. Each step closer we can celebrate our progress and revel in the momentum.

Sometimes I put my coffee in the microwave for 30 seconds when it cools. In 30 seconds, it’s warmer.

Sometimes it takes another 30 seconds to get it hot.

Sometimes it takes a little longer.

It happens pretty quickly is my point.

Most times meaningful change takes more effort than hitting a button on the microwave. And it takes concerted effort over a long period of time.

It takes exploring ideas of what’s worked in the past and searching for new ideas.

You can get there…. We can get there and there’s plenty of evidence to prove it… as long we don’t give up.

For those who are tired and frustrated…. Take a beat – Step away for a bit if you need to – just don’t quit. Don’t give up your vibrance for life and your pursuit of creating a safe and secure world for us all to live in.

Maybe your vision isn’t for worldwide equality – maybe it’s simply getting to a place of personal acceptance. Perfect…. Keep going. Don’t give up on yourself…

No matter the scale it’s a process and as you achieve what’s most important to you today, you’re placed in a position to reach a hand out to others struggling on the same path.

Hey – Love and peace to y’all

Thinking about y’all today…

You are valued…

You are loved…

You are ohh so precious…

And remember

Life’s too short | Be kind | Do good

Talk soon…

Figuring It Out is a coaching experience intended to help you grow in radical self-acceptance

Transgender Awareness Week and Transgender Day of Remembrance…

So good to see y’all today!

If this is too much to read – take 11 minutes and watch the video…

Tomorrow morning I’m headed out of town to visit my brother for a few days. It’s been months since we’ve gotten together so I’m excited – plus I’ll get to see my favorite nephew!

This week is Transgender Awareness Week leading up to the Transgender Day of Remembrance on Sunday, November 20^th.

The number of transgender people who lose their lives to senseless violence each year continues to grow. Many times, these deaths are fueled by hate.

The premise of Transgender Awareness week is raising awareness of the Transgender community. We are not just another marginalized group. The struggles we are facing today are unique to who we are and how we are – or are not being allowed to live our lives.

State legislatures from across the country have presented carbon copied bills and, in many cases, passed these bills- in what appears to be a coordinated political attack against our children and the transgender community overall.

The amount of misinformation is almost laughable if not for the fact the uniformed are buying the falsehoods and stories hook, line, and sinker.

Our country has a history of demonizing people who are different. Gay and lesbian people, under the auspices of the federal and many state governments were harassed, jailed, and persecuted relentlessly for years.

It seems persecuting the trans community is now in vogue again… History repeating itself…

I read a book earlier this year called The Gay Revolution – The Story of the Struggle by Lillian Faderman who did in-depth research and more than 150 interviews, collecting passionate accounts of injustice toward gay, lesbian, and transgender Americans’ in pursuit of basic civil rights.

While progress has been made it seems we are repeating history, only this time the targets are transgender youth specifically and the trans community more generally.

There was a day when being called a pedophile or being accused of lewd behavior was code for being gay or lesbian. Now, according to many conservative politicians being trans or supporting trans people means you are a groomer going after someone’s kids or even an unfit parent abusing your child for loving and supporting them in their questioning or transition.

No matter how ludicrous it is, the uninformed blindly accept that crap as gospel…

Hmmmm. I wonder what other falsehoods they accept as gospel?…

It’s why politicians can claim they are protecting kids when in reality all they are doing is scoring political points with their base at the expense of real people, doing the best we can like everyone else.

What’s interesting is the very values these politicians claim to embrace are the values they are attacking for of us who are Trans or part of the LGBTQ community. It’s a bold perversion of freedom for us all!

What does it mean to “Live Your Truth”?

Does it mean sharing your experiences in an honest, transparent, and vulnerable way?

Does it mean sharing what you’ve been through to get to the place you are today?

Does it mean sharing ideas, needs, convictions, and in some cases, boundaries?

To what purpose?

It’s not uncommon today to hear people remarking we need to “Speak our Truth” – or “Live our Truth” – or “Speak Truth to Power”.

For me, the purpose is very clear. Politicians can make outrageous claims because there aren’t enough people who know a transgender person or family. There are people manipulating the truth because of the uniformed masses, including the very politicians who have sworn to protect this country and her people.

Have you thought about what living your truth means in practical, day to day terms?

I think sharing our stories is an important part of life. We are all different and yet, we share common experiences, emotions and yes, frustrations….

I recall one Senior Manager where I used to work, telling me he admired my courage when I came out as trans.

Honestly, the process of coming out is exhilarating and frightening at the same time. I wasn’t thinking about courage so much as I was thinking about reconciling who I am and not hiding it any longer.

I’ve been fortunate in that I’ve been able to separate who I am from who other people think I should be. In the process I’ve come to understand that people will always have their own thoughts and feelings and they are welcome to them.

It’s not my job nor it is my responsibility to try to persuade you to agree with me. I can freely share my “truth” and if you chose not to accept it or me, that’s on you.

The good news is – you can get there too.

I know a lot of people who live in fear and self-condemnation because they struggle with living their truth in a world where others don’t value them or approve.

When I share my truth and it can help someone else going through similar circumstances then that’s a good thing because helping others aligns with my values.

I’m not typically a confrontational person so for me intent and motive are very important.

I’ve been guilty, as I’m sure many of us have, of not being open to other’s ideas and thoughts. As I get older, I find myself being a little more patient and a lot more thoughtful and willing to listen.

So, I wonder if those of us “Living Our Truth” have taken the time to outline what that “truth” is and why we believe it?

Sometimes journaling, making diagrams, flowcharts, making mental maps, and idea maps can be helpful too.

As a visual person seeing things in front of me is very helpful.

One caution though – be careful not to get too caught up in the methodology or tool. It’s easy to go down rabbit trails and lose sight of the goal, especially if you’re like me and are ADHD. 🐇🐇🐇 Rabbits 🐇, rabbits 🐇 everywhere. 🐇🐇🐇

The point is, simply getting your thoughts on paper can bring incredible clarity in defining and articulating who you are. As you share your truth with others, these simple tools can support acceptance for yourself, which is the most important of all, plus it helps make what you are sharing easier for your audience to understand.

Barring the conservative political attacks we’re seeing today, my experience has found most people to be accepting of who I am as a transgender woman – once they get to know me.

There will always be some who make it their business to be offensive, and they are not the norm – in my experience.

Brené Brown talks about how difficult it is to hate someone you know – I don’t recall the book that was in and her point is valid. It’s much easier to be accepting and tolerant of someone you know vs an abject stranger.

I mean let’s face it – when we see some one else’s kid acting out its pretty easy to become judgmental yet when our kid acts out – its just as easy to be understanding.

Building relationships and telling our stories is such an important step in the reconciliation process.

As more and more people are exposed to the transgender community the easier it will be to help people see the truth about who we are. We’re real people just them, with families and jobs and mortgages, doing the best we can just like their family is.

This normalization process begins with each of us doing our part, for ourselves and the community at large.

Final thoughts…

Get clear on your truth.

Know your values and what’s important to you.

Learn how to articulate it well

Share your story with others

Keep showing up

Don’t give up…

Allow other people to have their own thoughts and don’t let those thoughts discourage you or hinder you in pursuing your goals.

Last – some days are going to harder than others. Know who you can count on for support when you need it and don’t be afraid to reach out.

Thinking about y’all today

You are valued

You are loved

You are oh so precious

And remember

Life’s too short | Be kind | Do good

Talk soon…

#transdayofremembrance2022 #transgirl #transgender #transgenderchristian #translifecoach #transawarenessweek2022 #transvisibility #ResponsibilityBreedsEmpowerment #PrideintheCLE

Trans Awareness Week…

It’s Trans Awareness Week leading up to Trans Day of Remembrance on the 20th.

There’s a lot of misinformation being spread by ignorant people who don’t have the facts straight.

Hoping this resource helps in spreading positive, helpful knowledge about those you know and love.

Normalizing our experience makes a difference!

Thinking about y’all today…

https://www.hrc.org/resources/get-the-facts-on-gender-affirming-care

deficit or strength?

Do you believe you are at a deficit because your identity in the LGBTQ+ community?

Or, if you are not part of the LGBTQ+ Community, do you feel and act like those who are, are deficient in some way?

There are helpful and unhelpful ideas and conversations being had about deficit thinking. On a practical level – you know – real world, day to day living – I can easily fall into the trap of thinking I’m at a deficit because of X,Y and Z…

For example, because I never obtained a college degree, I can think I’m at a deficit in the job market, or I am not as smart or prepared as my counterparts who have a degree. (BTW – Education is important and yet attending college is not the only way to obtain an education.)

I may think I’m at a deficit because of my age. I’ll be turning 65 next month…

Deficit or strength? (Older people have experiences that are sometimes difficult to quantify, yet the value can easily be overlooked for the shiny new recent college grad…)

Here is where perspective matters and impacts outcomes…

What is alarming is the way deficit thinking and theory can be applied to those in marginalized communities. Because I’m trans or bi or gay or a person of color or a woman I can’t have the same expectations as someone else.

One School Principal said: “DEFICIT speech in schools that reflect DEFICIT thinking produce a DEFICIT culture that puts children at a DEFICIT.”

A story is told about a black mother who is checking in with her child’s teacher throughout the school year and is receiving good reports about her child’s progress only to discover when grades are released that her child received “C’s”

In the mother’s mind that wasn’t good and when following up the teacher was told the child was doing good and the grade was good for him… and she shouldn’t try to push him hard…

Real or not, this story highlights mediocrity and low standards by school staff who have low expectations based on a deficit narrative.

Do we do this to ourselves?

As part of the LGBTQ+ Community, do we approach life from a place of deficit?

Do we think we don’t belong and therefore don’t deserve the hope and happiness we desire? And if we do believe we deserve a good life, are we living our lives that way?

This is where radical self-acceptance can provide a framework to help us move into the life we want and deserve. It builds on assets instead of focusing on deficits.

Hope and resilience and abundance are born out of hard work and practical application of all your resources and requires some personal responsibility. I’m really tired of blaming other people for where I am in life.

Instead of focusing on deficits what if we focused on assets? Those things you are good at:

Your creativity…

Your resilience…

Your courage…

Your passion for serving and helping others…

Your ability to be kind in difficult circumstances…

Your compassion…

How you do your best to listen and treat others with respect…

Your empathy…

Yes, we can pursue excellence – I want to, and I am willing to work toward that, all while honoring those I come in contact with.

How about you? Are you going to approach life from place of deficit or are you gonna live in a place where you can build on your assets?

It’s your choice…

Would love to chat about it with you.

Let’s chat. (Click the link to schedule a time)

Thinking about y’all today…

You are valued…

You are loved…

You are ohh so precious…

And remember

Life’s too short | Be kind | Do good

Talk soon…

living authentically…

What does it even mean to live authentically?

For many, living authentically means being real. It means being honest about who we are at our core and being okay with ourselves.

We hear a lot about being real…. In the 70’s Coke used to have the tag line “It’s the real thing. Coke”… Which led to success of the jingle “I’d like to buy the world a COKE”

I still get shivers listening to that commercial… and in case you don’t remember or never heard it I’ll include a link to the YouTube video in the show notes.

Watching that video of those young people from all over the world spoke to me and still does today.

The energy!

The diversity!

The joy!

And between you and me… I’m not even a COKE fan… yet the spirit and message of the commercial is amazing…

It’s so interesting to me that for lifetimes people have been trying to be real… young and old – educated and not – rich and poor alike – from all over the world – we’re all still figuring it out.

Managing Relationships – Our own agency within those relationships – and how to be true to ourselves while navigating a social system that many times feels like it’s suppressing our individuality can be out right exhausting.

Authenticity requires vulnerability… and when you think about it, I think you’ll agree that every big thing you’ve ever done in your life required vulnerability.

It meant you had to put yourself out there.

It was probably scary.

At some level there was probably some doubt involved and that’s one place vulnerability shows up in a big way.

Can I really do this?

Should I do this?

And then you take the next step…

Remember the first time you told someone you loved them in a romantic way. It’s scary. You don’t know how they’re gonna respond.

Or you apply for a new job…. Or go to an interview. Presenting at a meeting. Calling a client – making a sales presentation – attending a networking event – going a gym for the first time.

Many people don’t take that next step because they haven’t figured out how to be okay with who they are and how they present in the world.

Fear holds them back.

I hope fear isn’t holding you back… and if it is, know it’s natural. It’s a protection plan our brains have been conditioned with since creation.

The inability to be vulnerable and show up can and does paralyze us at times. I still get butterflies when I’m speaking to groups or showing up on video. And yet, my showing up will hopefully encourage someone else to step outside their comfort zone and explore their inner self.

Not one of us is prefect and we all make mistakes. I make plenty of them and I try to learn from mistakes and use those times for self-improvement. It’s called failing forward…

What living authentically is not – is an excuse for bad behavior.

Living authentically does not mean you get to abuse people, be disrespectful or use it as an excuse for poor judgement. It is our responsibility to honor all people, especially those who don’t agree with us.

Which leads us to personal responsibility. Look, we’ve all been dealt a tough hand from time to time. Perfection and perfect situations are no more than an illusion and although it’s fun to sometimes sit and let our minds wander in fantasy it’s just not reality.

No matter how bad it’s been, or what you have lived through – Hope for a better tomorrow is real and it is possible and even you and I can experience joy, fulfillment, and peace again – and for some of us – maybe for the first time.

You see, a big part of the struggle is not having our own needs met…. We give and give and give, expecting someday someone will begin giving back. Don’t hold your breath. Life doesn’t necessarily work that way.

We need the agency to say enough! and set boundaries that protect us and give us the energy, stamina and yes, even courage – to take the next step.

Fundamental to living authentically is Self-Acceptance, what I like to refer to as Radical Self-Acceptance.

As part of the LGBTQIA+ Community being accepted and valued begins with us. When I get okay with me…. When I learn to set healthy boundaries, When I learn to meet my basic needs and understand I can’t love or have empathy for others before I love and accept myself – That’s where real transformation begins.

What stories about you are you telling yourself?

Too many of us have internalized the stories other people told us – about life, morality, values, work ethic and every other darn thing under the sun.

We heard it so often as children and in some cases were shamed and manipulated into believing it that when we grew up and began questioning, we carried that shame forward.

Dealing with emotion and asking questions was frowned upon…

For some of us, moving out on our own or going to college was our first experience of independence and depending on how structured our family life was – was the first time we got to make our own choices and decisions.

Depending on the narrative, we grew up with, lots of judgement and shame came up every time we decided to go against the grain – or… we intentionally made choices outside the safety of what we knew.

I use safety loosely here… The safety was in the predicable outcome, even when it was abusive or traumatic, it was safe because we knew what to expect.

Let’s face it, sometimes it feels easier to deal with the devil you know, than the devil you don’t. Especially for those of us who never had much freedom growing up…

The trouble is we take those attitudes and experiences with us into adulthood and begin to make a life for ourselves with the same negative precepts and attitudes our parents, caregivers and cultural surroundings instilled in us.

If you grew up in a conservative Christian home like I did you spent a ton of time at church. Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, revivals and special services, camp meetings and the list goes on….

Don’t get me wrong – none of those things in and of themselves are necessarily bad – As a matter of fact, I looked forward to any opportunity I had to get out of the house and away from my “family”.

It was the only way I could assert any sense of independence. I spent my energy on things like choir and youth group. You would find me taking notes during sermons and sharing them with the Pastor, trying to feel better about myself and in part to keep the boredom away. More importantly, I wanted acknowledgement I was doing “good” things. I craved positive reinforcement.

In some respects, I was the ideal kid but if got to know me – if you got to know my family – it wasn’t the greatest. From the outside it looked pretty good… as long as you didn’t look too closely.

If you did look closely, you’d find abuse, drugs and latchkey kids gone wild – living in a presentable home in the burbs. Some call that privileges. I call it messed up.

It is hard to thrive in those circumstances. It was nearly impossible to have a positive outlook on life. My priority was getting as far away as possible as soon as I could so at 17, even before I graduated High School, I joined the Navy.

Under the terms of my contract, I would spend the summer at home and go on active duty in September.

It took a while before I learned running away wasn’t the solution. I did that a lot. Unfortunately, it would take me a long time to understand running away still left me with me. That was a tough pill to swallow.

Until I got okay with me I could stay busy and sort of productive in different roles but there wasn’t gonna be any transformation happening.

So yes, Self-Acceptance is important to living authentically and Radical Self-Acceptance doesn’t mean I’ve got it all figured out yet… It does mean accepting I’m on a lifelong journey helping as many people as I can along the way..

Wanna come along?

Let’s chat. (Click the link to schedule a time)

Thinking about y’all today…

You are valued…

You are loved…

You are ohh so precious…

And remember

Life’s too short | Be kind | Do good

Talk soon…

I haven’t done a video in a while so thanks for stopping by. I really appreciate you taking the time to listen and watch. If you like what you see please like, comment, review, share and subscribe. If you don’t, no problem… Don’t worry about it.

limiting beliefs…

What limiting beliefs are holding you back?

It took a ton of courage, determination and effort to come out.

You’ve declared yourself, or you’re seriously considering it…

Now what?

I’m not good enough

I’m too old

I’m not old enough

I don’t have time

I’m not creative enough…

I don’t know how to talk to people

No one is interested in me

I’m not pretty enough

I’m too fat

I’m too skinny

I don’t know how to be successful

I don’t know what I really want…

You don’t have to stay stuck… I promise!

Wanna connect? Let’s chat.

Thinking about y’all today…

You are valued…

You are loved…

You are ohh so precious…

And remember

Life’s too short | Be kind | Do good

Talk soon…

LOVE never looks back but keeps going to the end…

Today marks the end of the Attributes of LOVE… and as this final Attribute shares, LOVE never looks back but keeps going to the end….

We are all still here, so permission granted for us to keep going.

There have been times in my life where I’ve dwelt in regret and the truth is – we can all feel pretty crappy about ourselves and some of the things we’ve done – how we handled certain situations, choices we’ve made and those we hurt along the way.

That’s natural and we all go through it. AND. That’s not the end of the story.

LOVE doesn’t mean we’re off the hook. Instead, it opens the door to new days every day and the option to commit to doing better.

Self-care and especially Radical Self-Acceptance isn’t a free pass to excuse our past offenses. It’s a process that allows us to forgive ourselves and others, apologize and make amends where needed and move forward into a new day, moment, and a new chapter as a better version of ourselves.

History is important to me. I love reading and imagining what it was like at different times through history. Looking at the past in this context can be insightful and provide guidance for what the future can hold for us.

When I dwell on my past, I can go to some pretty dark places and that’s not helpful. I believe that’s what this attribute is referring to when it says LOVE never looks back…

What perspective are you living in today?

Are you living in hope and looking forward to a bright future?

Are you living in regret and cursing the next day?

Have you forgotten how to dream because life just feels so hard right now? I get it…

I’ve been there more times than I care to think about.

Did you know???? You don’t have to stay there.

You don’t!

LOVE never looks back but keeps going to the end…

Wanna connect? Let’s chat.

Thinking about y’all today…

You are valued…

You are loved…

You are ohh so precious…

And remember

Life’s too short | Be kind | Do good

Talk soon…

LOVE always looks for the best…

We’re talking relationships, right?

Going to the grocery I always have my eye out for the “best” produce, cuts of meat and the like. That makes sense.

Shopping for a wardrobe, furniture, vehicle, vacation, and even solar panel options for our home all of us look for the “best” right?

Do we look for the best in the people we encounter?

It would be nice to think we all do yet if we’re honest – isn’t that sentiment more situational?

Two things cited most often NOT to talk about are religion and politics. As part of the LGBTQ+ Community and the disenfranchisement we can feel from some, make these taboo topics nearly impossible to leave out.

Why?

Maybe… just maybe – it’s because our level of emotional and psychological attachment goes off the chart in nanoseconds when these topics come up. We’re so stuck in our convictions we can’t begin to consider anyone else’s point of view or frame of reference.

What if we aspire to “LOVE always looks for the best”?

What would I need to think and feel to allow another person to be heard and have a dialogue on a difficult topic?

I recently watched “The War Over Gender” on the show, “The Problem With Jon Stewart”. On the show he interviewed a few people – parents of queer kids, along with LGBTQ+ legal and medical experts, living in a world where some politicians are making very personal and private decisions for parents and their children, in the name of protecting children.

One of the more insightful segments was the interview with Arkansas Attorney General Leslie Rutledge. It was an interesting conversation showing how out of touch politicians can be when making choices for people regarding issues they know very little about.

Some suggested all the fuss about trans kids of late has been a deliberate political maneuvering designed to stir up the conservative base in an election year.

I personally know many people who are disenfranchised by politics and politicians so creating a clutch topics to stir things up makes sense. The political ads on TV are already driving us crazy, wrought with half-truths and distortions intended to spark action at the polls.

One statement that blew me away “…There are doctors and we had plenty of people come to testify before our legislature who said that we have 98% of the young people who had gender dysphoria, that they are able to move past that and once they have the help that they need, no longer suffer from gender dysphoria. 98% without that medical treatment…”

Is that really true? As Mr. Stewart pointed out – it’s a made-up statistic. And yet, according to Attorney General Rutledge, the documented testimony of experts makes it true. Unfortunately the Attorney General couldn’t site the source or organization and invited people to look it up.

Lord, I’m trying to look for the best…. I am!

It’s harder some days than others. It’s harder depending on the players and the topic, which leads us back to the situational nature of looking for the best in LOVE.

As I’ve gone through these Attributes of LOVE I’ve been challenged and inspired to live my best life. As an imperfect human, I want to do better. When I can align my life with my core values life seems to go better.

I put these Attributes of LOVE out there in the hope we can all do a little better every day.

It begins with us. We will be challenged to express love to the world if we don’t first love ourselves.

It’s a journey and hopefully one y’all will join me on.

Wanna connect? Let’s chat.

Thinking about y’all today…

You are valued…

You are loved…

You are ohh so precious…

And remember

Life’s too short | Be kind | Do good

Talk soon…

LOVE trusts God always

My belief informs who I am at the very core – another imperfect human, doing the best I can to honor God, myself, and everyone I encounter.

Yes – I believe in God.

And I believe in Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

Some believers do not think being part of the LGBTQ+ community or identifying as trans or gay, queer or nonbinary is honoring to God or the faith. I respectfully disagree.

As I read the word and process God’s LOVE for creation, I have come to very different conclusions. If you don’t believe what I do that’s perfectly fine. It’s not a problem.

History is repeating itself in as much as commonly held beliefs are being turned upside down, especially as they relate to LGBTQ+ people and the church.

Relationships matter…

Community matters…

I was listening to Susan Cottrell’s FreedHearts Podcast recently – When Your Child Condemns You For Being Gay. It’s an account of how one woman received a letter from her son addressing her being gay.

Susan’s response resonated with me in a big way. You may not be a podcast listener, but this is a great way to spend 20 or 30 minutes of your time… When I’m working in the yard or driving, I enjoy listening to podcasts and this is one of them.

Susan pointed out how the very verses this woman’s son used to condemn his mother were in fact another example of how perspective matters. Same words with a very different result.

In her book, Mom, I’m Gay, Susan provides wonderful, supporting dialogue for parents who are struggling with their kids coming out. One of the things Susan talks about is setting aside what you’ve been told by the church and what it believes and take it to God yourself.

If you are a believer or someone who subscribes to the idea of a “higher power” it’s a worthwhile read and points to today’s attribute. LOVE trusts God always.

I feel like we sometimes get so wrapped up in the story we’ve been told over the years we quit asking questions. This can be true for believers and non-believers alike.

If you’re not a believer no problem. Trust points to safety and community and is a valuable attribute for us all to live out.

Experience tells me there are a lot of people who believe in God and have become disenfranchised with the church for a whole host of reasons. I get it.

The way we treat the people we’re supposed to care about most can be hurtful and we can all admit to being “that person” at times.

Relationships matter…

Community matters…

Taking a beat and thinking about why I feel the way I do about another person, an action they’ve taken or a particular circumstance goes a long way to tempering my response.

Am I feeling this way out of habit?

Am I responding this way because I’ve been conditioned to respond this way?

Am I responding a certain way because that’s what’s expected?

Do I feel threatened and if so, why?

Can I have honest questions and feel safe in asking them, without worrying about how I’ll be perceived or treated?

Whenever you find yourself in a learning environment you may have heard –“Are there any questions?” If you have questions, ask them. Chances are good others have the same question.

Asking questions expands the conversation and I’ve found questions often lead to greater clarity for everyone. I encourage you to ask away and then process what you’ve learned.

Change doesn’t come easy for most of us. It’s one of the reasons why I’m a Life Coach. You can have more, you can dream more, you can learn more, and you can become more than you ever thought possible…

It’s up to you.

Wanna connect? Let’s chat.

Thinking about y’all today…

You are valued…

You are loved…

You are ohh so precious…

And remember

Life’s too short | Be kind | Do good

Talk soon… #lifecoach #pride2022 #blm #blacklivesmatter #community #faithfullylgbt #diversity #inclusion #lgbtqlifecoach #translifecoach #lgbtqsupporter #selfcare #findthepositive #mindset #LoveisLove #LifesTooShort #BeKind #DoGood #RadicalSelfacceptance #OneOfThem #SeeUs #transvisibility #ResponsibilityBreedsEmpowerment